ϟ #fifteen: Identity

I don’t think I had a lot of traumatizing moments as a child. A lot of my more traumatizing events happened in my mid-teen years. One thing I do remember that has changed me as a person, are my parents. They’ve been divorced since I was in kindergarten (at least I think that’s when it happened…). All I can remember when it comes to parents when I was younger is them fighting whenever they were around each other or one of them saying nasty things about the other. My mother was a single mother, in college with two kids (my brother was born when I was around three) - since my dad wasn’t around I had to be the big kid at a young age to help take care of my brother. I think I started babysitting him around seven or eight. Because of my parents bickering and divorcee status I learned to become a very independent person throughout my life. There was another time, again with my parents, where it got so bad the cops were called and my Christmas was kind of ruined because of the mess. I think the only reason it got better was because I got my first laptop. Seeing my parents fight so much, makes me dislike people yelling at each other. I either avoid them or I try to help, depending on the situation. And then of course, probably the most traumatizing thing to happen to me was moving 3,000 miles away from my home (Newcastle is the longest time, six years, I have ever lived in one place - we moved around a lot until I was in 6th grade). I had joined the marching band at my high school and made tons of friends, I had a guy that I couldn’t date because I had to move. My mom had called me a social butterfly back then. I cried on my way to the airport. I couldn’t listen to AC/DC’s “Back in Black” because it was my old high schools theme song. One football game, at my Florida high school, the marching band (I had joined again - it was the only way to make any type of friends quickly) went to an away game. The away team’s colors were black and gold and they played “Back in Black” as the team entered the field. I instantly crumbled and starting crying. I was so homesick. I was miserable and I had no one to help me feel better - no one knew what I was going through. Since then, I’ve dealt with it and moved on from the homesickness. I know my personality changed when I moved, I’ve become more quiet and keep to myself. I still miss California all the time - my dad is still there after all. There are other things that have happened to me since I moved to Florida, both of my dad’s parents died; my Nana died of advanced liver failure, my Papa was murdered. I fell in love for the first time, also got my heart broken a few times. I’ve become a strong person, but I have my weak days. Who doesn’t? I keep going with life and learn from everything that’s happened to me in the past.

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